Thursday, February 10, 2011

my crazy mind

i was just sitting here thinking about how getting married and having children really changes your thought process. like apparently...i can think of a MILLION things in a matter of a minute. ok maybe not a million...but hundreds and hundreds of things will run across my mind in a short time span.
but not only do i have that AWESOME ability, (which funnily enough becomes very powerful as im trying to fall asleep) what i talk about is WAY different than what i ever thought i'd talk about. for example....this blog. if only i had it when i was single i could have talked about the differences in guys and dates and clothes and fun junk like that. seriously..i loved blind dates and such hilarious stories came from them and how amazing would it have been to write all of them down and then read them 4 years later. sadly...another magical ability i have is to forget. i remember like birthday dates and super random things, but i forget everything else. like if i was on birth control and depended on it...id have like 5 babies cause i cant remember simple things. also another ability....rambling. obviously.
so as i get ready for who knows what kind of crazy adventure may happen today, i sit and think about womens conversations. ive been comparing them to what kind of convo's i used to hear back in the day. follow along if you'd like....

PAST: how can i get this guy to kiss me tonight?
PRESENT: how can i get out of sex tonight?

PAST: i hate when guys fart. nasty.
PRESENT: i love when my baby toots! maybe then he'll sleep better....

PAST: i love my boobs they are perky and great!
PRESENT: ugh....boobs. saggy and gross. only needed for milk.

PAST: *talking to a friend* want to use the restroom with me?
PRESENT: *talking to your kid* mommy is going to the potty. do you need to use the potty? do you need to go pee-pee in the potty?

PAST: $50 purse? its super cute...ill buy it.
PRESENT: $20 jeans? im pretty sure i can find some cheaper....

PAST: going out with friends at 8pm? thats a little early but ok see you then.
PRESENT: going on a date at 6pm? hmm well it'll take like 2 hours to eat and then that puts us home around 8 and then its bedtime...i dunno can we do earlier?

PAST: the gym is such a great way to meet guys.
PRESENT: the gym is a necessity so the "mom butt" doesnt appear.

PAST: sorry my car is dirty! just move my school stuff and water bottle and running shoes.
PRESENT: sorry my car is dirty! just move the crushed-into-the-seat-cheerios, and lost sippy cup and old diapers and tissues and wrappers and dirty clothes and pardon the stains.

PAST: if its rated PG-13...we'll call it good.
PRESENT: there are little ears. PG is pushing it.

PAST: hey sorry im late! there was traffic.
PRESENT: hey sorry im late! i was walking out the door i got pooped on and we all had to change and then we got in the car and totally forgot the diaper bag and when i went into the house i had left every light on and when we got back in the car i realized i had put the keys in the diaper bag to remember to grab it. and i forgot to grab the bag. and there was traffic.


those are just a few that ran across my mind. any others i'm forgetting??

7 comments:

The Littles said...

hahahaha!! Sooo true!!!

Brad and Jamie Porter said...

Oh my gosh I am laughing soooo hard right now. I love this its so true ha ha ha ha

Connie said...

Bahahhaha! Pure genius! i LOVE the last one especially. But every single one I was like- yes. YES! lol

Liz and Navin said...

hahaha I love it!! You are awesome!

Jacob and Sheena Lee said...

Stef I am so glad you are back on the grid :) Yeah I am glad I am not the only one :) Love ya!

Geevz said...

Seriously.

Devin & Ruthann said...

I LOVE this post! Can I steal it and post the past and present quotes on my blog? They are all TOTALLY true!